Battletoads
Released: August 20, 2020
Game Length: 4 Hours
Grade: C
Expectations: There is a good chance for those of us who owned the original Nintendo overhearing about a brutally difficult game starring three mutant toads. The game known as Battletoads was relatively short, but there was a good chance people would spend hours trying to get through its challenging gameplay. That game was released in 1991, and for some reason the developers decided to have a reboot 26 years later. Although I will assume the game will follow suite with its Gauntlet beat 'em up style and fast-paced racetrack levels, I'd like to believe they would make the stages easier for a modern crowd. I'd also like to see how they adapt the bare-bones Dark Queen storyline. Whatever the case, I'd like to see if the one million players were truthful in their words.
Reality: I'd like you to imagine an 8 year-old kid telling you one of his made-up stories. There is no cohesion, narrative, or proper transitions in his words. When you ask about certain details, he will make up some outlandish explanation. That's what happens in this game. It makes no sense. At one point you will be punching buttons on the controller while attending to your menial job and the next you will suddenly be flying in outer space shooting off incoming saucers. Every moment is random. Does it work for the game? I don't think so. It is like they decided to compile their worst jokes, horrible puns, and crazy shenanigans all in one place in the hopes that they would make you laugh at least once.
Gameplay: Although what you do in the game changes from stage-to-stage, there are a few things that remain consistent. For starters, there is minimum penalty for dying. You barely survive a few hits when exploring the streets before waiting out a small cooldown timer. Playing by yourself gives you the option to switch between the three characters as they all tick down from around 30 seconds. Platform sections follow a three-strike program while your ship in outer space can withstand five hits. Checkpoints are abundant and you will definitely be using some of them even on the standard "Toad" difficulty. As much as I abhor the system, you can earn more points towards your high score depending on how you perform during each level. There are five collectibles in each stage with a sixth one dependent on a quick completion or good ranking with a chance to earn 78 in total. I wasn't even trying and managed to gather 34 out of 78.
Opinion: Perhaps this game would have been more enjoyable if I was playing with two other people. I'd like to think the game would have been better without trying to squeeze every single type of genre currently in existence into a 4-hour playthrough. Not only did the Double Dragon fighting fall flat, but the platforming gaps falling between the action sequences felt so out-of-place. This is far from being a terrible game, but I couldn't really say I "enjoyed" my time with such an amalgamation of everything wholesome.
11-28-2020